Big Russ and Little Russ....fishing in heaven

I had the most wonderful Dad.  My mom always boasted that he had the energy of two 20-year olds.  It was virtually impossible to wear him out.  He ate right most of the time, never smoked and was a "few and far between" drinker.  In June of 2009 my dad developed a tummy ache.  In July of 2009 he was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer.  A death sentence.  My parents traveled to MD Anderson in TX for more tests and a second opinion.  Dad's doctors were optimistic that given my Dad's excellent physical condition, he could be one of the ones to live 2 years.  We lost Dad just a few months later.  Dad continued to ride his bicycle and fish up until 10 days before he died. The picture below was taken by my husband less than a month before Dad died.

When my husband Ed and I learned of my Dad’s illness, we decided to start trying to have a baby immediately instead of waiting until I was finished with hygiene school.  If possible, we wanted my Dad to be a part of our child’s life for as long as possible.

About two months after Dad died I learned that I was pregnant.  Imagine my surprise when I learned that our child was due on Dad’s birthday!  This was surely a sign that things were going to get better for my family.  Our son was to be named after his grandfather, Russ Thrift. 

Baby Russ made his appearance on October 13, 2010.  He missed being born on his grandpa Russ' birthday by just 4 days.  We went home from the hospital in due time and began our life as parents.  My mom stayed with us to help for a few weeks which was GREAT.  We were loving life.  Yes, we were exhausted, but we were also so very happy.  Ed came home for lunch every day to see Russ.  The only argument my husband I had (even through sleepiness) was about who's turn it was to hold the baby.  We had newborn pictures taken when Russ was 8 days old.  Here's our favorite.

Then baby Russ' 13th day here on earth rolled around and everything changed over about 50 hours time.  I am going to cut and paste an email I sent out to friends and family regarding my son's death.  Lazy...I know. 

From: melanie.t.smith@hotmail.com
Subject: Memorial Service Wednesday
Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2010 15:19:54 -0400

Dear friends and family,

As many of you may have heard, our son, Russell Cooper Smith, passed away on Thursday evening in the arms of my husband and I. 

A memorial service will be held outdoors at Blue Springs located at 3505 Ga Highway #116, Hamilton, GA on Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 2:00 PM.  Additional parking and a shuttle will be provided at the Callaway Blue Water Company located at 3120 Ga Highway 116, Hamilton, Ga 31811. 

 In lieu of flowers, we would like to request that donations be made to Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta at Egleston, 1405 Clifton Road, NE, Atlanta, GA 30322-1060.  Please specify for “Pediatric ICU in Memory of Russell Cooper Smith.”

Many of our friends and family have wanted to know what went wrong and how we went from a happy, healthy baby to this situation so quickly.  If you are interested, I am going to give you the simplified version in the next few paragraphs.  This may not be for everyone.

On Tuesday morning we had a happy, healthy child.  At diaper change time around 1pm, we noticed a small red spot on his stomach.  I took him to the pediatrician and were sent to Columbus Regional Hospital to start antibiotics for an umbilical infection.  We were assured that this was not something to worry about.  Within hours of arriving at the hospital Russ' condition began to deteriorate quickly.  We were moved to the PICU and our pediatrician and a neonatologist arranged for air transport to Egleston in Atlanta.  Weather was not our friend Tuesday night and we ended up waiting for a NICU ambulance to pick us up from Atlanta. 

When we arrived at Egleston, we met with several specialists and surgeons and it was decided that Russ needed immediate surgery.  The exact cause of our son's condition was not clear, and some of the causes were more terrifying than others.  This was the first time it came to our attention that our son's situation could be fatal.  Russ made it through surgery.  Part of his bowel and his appendix were removed.  The two parts on each side of his resectioned bowel were not reconnected yet because they were not healthy enough.  We were told we would return to Egleston in a month or so to have another surgery to reconnect his bowel and remove his ostomy bag.  We were also warned that Russ' next hurdle to was to overcome the infection that caused the necrotic part of his bowel.  Russ' stomach wall was very inflamed and it was a mystery to our countless doctors as to whether or not our son's problem began in the stomach wall or in the bowel. 

Over the next 24 hours we worked with some of the best pediatric specialists in the world trying to figure out what happened to our healthy baby in a 24 hour time frame.  Those questions have still not be answered.  There is a possibility that our son had something unusual going on with his blood that caused or contributed to his condition.  He was repeatedly found to have too many red blood cells and throughout his treatment the doctors removed blood and replaced it with saline. 

During the middle of the night Thursday morning our son quit producing urine.  This could have been a sign that the pressure in his abdominal cavity was becoming too great to withstand normal activity.  It became a concern that we could lose more organ and bowel function because the pressure could cut off the blood supply to his abdominal organs.  Our surgeon had to make a judgment call on whether or not to reopen our son and leave him open with silo bags to cover his open abdomen.  This would have allowed his swelling bowel to swell to the outside of his body and relieve pressure.  Russ was not stable enough to be moved to the OR so a make shift OR was created in his hospital room for this second surgery. 

After the second surgery, we were told that the lack of urine was not caused by pressure and our son's incision had been closed again.  However, the lack of urine output was being caused by what is known as "third spacing."  This means that in reaction to a massive infection, our son's blood vessels were not holding fluids, but rather letting them leak into the tissues.  This was why our son was not releasing urine and he was swelling very rapidly. 

Throughout the day Thursday countless specialists convened and tried to figure out how to save our son.  At some point during the day the Director the PICU mentioned that there comes a point when we were going to need to decide whether we were doing things "for" Russ or "to" Russ.  It became clear as the afternoon approached and our son was unable to maintain his own blood pressure and bigger fancier vents and stronger and stronger last resort medications got started that we were doing things "to" Russ rather than "for" him.  We were told that Russ' condition was irreversible and that the team of doctors involved felt that the he would not last more than 12 or so hours even with aggressive measures to keep him alive.

Ed and I had our son baptized in his hospital room with his grandparents, uncle Joel and a few others present on Thursday afternoon.  Ed and I then made the decision to have Russ' life sustaining medications removed with the exception of his pain medication and a vent.  It was important to us that he die with as much grace and dignity as possible.  We held Russell in our arms and let his heart quit beating while we held him.  It was the most difficult thing Ed and I have ever done and probably one of the best decisions we will ever make in our lives. 

We are having an autopsy performed and hope that we will be given some answers as to why this happened to our sweet baby.  We also know that we may never have those answers. 

So, now we are just working on surviving this ourselves and are so thankful for all the prayers and support so many of you have given us.  Our baby was a part of our lives for just 15 days and every one of those days was worth the pain we are feeling now. 

Love,

Melanie and Ed

Continued from before the inserted email.....Initially after losing baby Russ, I was so very angry about the unfairness of it all.  I realize now that perhaps my initial plans were exactly what happened.  My Dad IS going to be a part of my child’s life.  This is the deal I had prayed for.  I just didn’t know God’s terms.  I feel certain baby Russ has already had his first fishing lesson by now and that Dad is taking excellent care of his namesake.

Don't be fooled though.  I would love to be this inspirational person who shows great religious inspiration during times of trouble.  But, I would be lying to you if I let you believe that I don't have doubts about my faith.  I think it's these doubts that make me human.  I'll save my thoughts on religion for later.  That's a whole can of worms in and of itself.